Unhinge My Agony
by SusieQ13
Summary: I hate anguish and drama, but I love writing about it. Contains 2nd Season Spoilers.
1. Coffee Break? No..a break

Note: Even though it hasn't aired, this fic takes place after the season finale so it will contain spoilers. This part is from Dean's POV. I will tell you up in this note in each part whose POV it is. 

**Unhinge My Agony**

I lay on this bed listlessly with eyes closed tight and the music on low. I'd been like that for about two hours just thinking. Not thinking. And thinking some more. 

There was a subtle knock at the door. 

"Come in," I replied, not wanting to move or open my eyes. 

I heard the door creak open slowly and it lightly closed behind her. I could feel her presence and opened my eyes. Rory. I didn't say anything. 

"Hey," she said with a quiver in her voice. Like everything was fine and everything was to be forgotten. She acts the same as she always has. Wait. That's right--she doesn't know I know. 

I sit up in the bed and she sits down next to me trying to force out a smile. 

"Welcome home," I say quietly without enthusiasm. It's the first time i've seen her in almost two months. Nothing's different. 

"Thanks. How long have you been cooped up in the house?" she asked with clear concern in her voice. 

"How long are you going to lie to me?" I asked her question with a question, not looking at her yet. I didn't mean for it to come out to bluntly but i've been wanting to ask it for weeks. 

"W-what?" 

"Before you left, over the entire summer..now." 

"What are you talking about?" she asked, still not understanding, which I found hard to believe knowing her intellect. 

I finally turn to face her bewildered face. 

"You kissed Jess." 

As if she had completely forgotten about it, her face subdued as her mouth made an O shape she looked as if she were going to cry. 

"How long have you known?" 

"A month after you left." 

"That would explain the quiet end of the phone conversations." 

"Yeah." 

"I'm sorry," she said, hanging her head down playing with the zipper on her light jacket. 

"No, you're not." 

She scoffed, "Don't tell me what I feel." 

"How long were you going to wait before you told me?" 

She was completely honest in saying, "I wasn't." 

Now it was my turn to scoff at her comment. 

"Couldn't you at least wait to break up with me before you kissed him?" 

"Like _that_ would have made a difference," she said sarcastically. 

"Why are you mad? _I'm_ the one who should be mad." 

"Why aren't you?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. 

"I've had more than a month to dwell on it. I've gotten most of my anger out in that time frame." 

"I really am sorry." 

I knew she was. I just had to know one thing. Through all the time I had to think about it, I never had an answer or solution to this question that panged in my mind. 

"Why did you do it?" 

She was hesitant at forming her answer. She turned toward me and made me look at her. I did and couldn't help but keep staring into her eyes. Usually when I am talking to somebody I can't look them directly in the eye for more than seven seconds, but with Rory I could stare for hours. 

"How many girlfriends did you have in Chicago?" 

I wasn't completely sure as to where this would lead, but I answered her with no questions anyway. 

"Three." 

"How many girls have you kissed? Not including me." 

No longer having a problem with these questions, I simply answered. 

"Three." 

"Okay, now Dean..you know that you are my first everything. Kiss, boyfriend, love..and in that order." 

I didn't say anything so she continued talking. 

"I know this is not an excuse, but i've never had the experience of being with somebody else. _You_ have. I never thought I could be interested in anyone else, have feelings for anyone else, love anyone else. All because I was with you. Then, when Jess came to town, that whole dynamic changed for me. The kiss was just a moment of weakness. A lousy, careless mistake." 

"Rory, stop." I said calmly, closing my eyes and breathing. I couldn't take all of what she was saying at once. It was too much negative and that wasn't what I wanted to be hearing. 

"No wait..this is the good part. I only want to be _friends_ with Jess. He and I may have some things in common but it's nothing compared to what I have with you. I already wrote him a letter explaining that the kiss was a mistake. You have no idea how much I want to go back and erase what I did." 

"Funny. So do I." 

She let out a breath of air from her nose and tried to hide the smile in her eyes. 

"Do you want to _be_ with Jess?" 

"No." 

"Did you before?" 

"Yes." 

"And what's so different now?" 

Her eyes widened and her head came up slightly as if she were in school and positively knew the answer to the question. 

"Before I went away, I wasn't sure of anything. I was so confused and just wanted to get away from everything, which is why I finally agreed to go to D.C. with Paris. The first few weeks I was still completly deterierated and didn't know what to feel or think. Then, you called. You called and it made me so happy and sad and and--guilty." 

She stuttered with her words as she felt she was withering to her concluding statement. She moved closer to me and held my hand tight, not taking her striking eyes off of my own. She kept talking and tried not to fumble with her words. 

"I don't know if you noticed on the line but I was about to cry. Hearing your voice, I wanted so much to be with you and for you to hold me and kiss me. It made everything so clear and obvious. I may have had slight feelings for Jess at that time before I left, but it was mainly because you and I were going through a rough spot in our relationship. I _cannot_ live without you. And I don't want to." 

I don't know what my face was expressing because I didn't know what I was feeling at the time. She might have read me as blank or even stunned, but I have never seen her so emotional in all of the time i've known her. 

"I--I don't know what to say to that." 

"You don't have to say anything." 

"Yes, I do." 

"Oh..okay." 

I took a breath and looked away, "I think we should take a break from each other." 

She seemed disbelieving. She let out a few short breaths and finally uttered a word, "What?" 

"I just think it's best for both of us." 

"Did you not hear what I just said to you?" 

"I heard it...I just. I'm having a hard time _believing_ anything lately." 

"But, Dean--" 

"I need some time to think about some things." 

I was honest in what I said. I didn't want to tell her to leave, so I left. Left the room. Left the house. and left the town. For one night. 


	2. Heartache & Dashboard Confessions

Author's Note: Even though it hasn't aired, this fic takes place after the season finale so it will contain spoilers. This part is from Rory's POV, and then Dean's. You'll catch on. 

**Rory**

He left me sitting in complete shock in his room. I had absolutely no response to what had just happened. I am not one to witness anything less than drama. So, when this conversation came, I thought so much commotion would erupt. He was so calm. We both were so calm. Too calm. Then, why did it hurt so much? 

When I got home, I stood in the middle of my room for a while. Still in reality-shock. I still have yet to unpack my bags, and will probably put it off for weeks on end. I'm now laying on my side with my back to the wall crying silently. The fact that the front door slammed finally got to me a few moments after it actually occured and my mom kneeled down next to my bed and was now eye-level with my blood-shot eyes. 

"It hurts." 

"What does?" she asked, visibly concerned with me. 

"My body..it just hurts." I speak inbetween sobs. It's a wonder she can decipher what I said. She climbs into the bed next to me, seemingly understanding everything and stays there until I stop crying. 

I try to talk again but she shushes me to calm down. 

"Go to sleep...you'll feel better." 

Although I knew I could debate that particular topic, I had no energy to do so. It wasn't even 5:00 yet but I closed my eyes anyway. When I wake up, I will be feeling the same shoots of pain, but for now just let me dream of a world with no such thing as heartache. 

------------ 

**Dean**

Driving aimlessly out of town. The clock in this damn truck is broken so I don't know the exact time. All I know is that i've only been driving for a matter of minutes..maybe thirty, and it seems like hours have passed. 

Ever since I left that room, the guilt keeps surfacing for leaving her like that. I know she's honestly sorry for what she did. Everybody makes mistakes. I remember the day that I found out about the kiss. I was at work stocking something when I heard Patty talking in her version of a whisper to some townsperson about the wedding she had attended. Sookie's. The conversation is a blur now but the precise topic is stamped in my memory ever since. 

"...the wedding was so gorgeous! You _really_ should have been there...I just was at Luke's and they were screaming at one another. I picked up some very detailed information." 

"Was it about that Jess I keep hearing so much about?" the other had asked. 

"It was. Indeed, it was. Lorelai was telling Luke that it was his fault for bringing Jess here and Rory wouldn't have got in the accident if Luke didn't keep pushing them together like he did." 

"Old news," the other woman had said. 

"Yes, but this news is very new. At the wedding, Rory _kissed_ Jess!" she said in a loud whisper. 

At first, I wasn't sure if I should believe the small-town gossip that once confused Babette getting a new kitten with Taylor purchasing a Harley. Then, I became paranoid. Walking around town, I felt as if people were giving me sympathy glares. I hate receiving sympathy. 

After a few days, I finally confronted Lorelai about it and after much suspension, she broke down and told me the truth. Apologizing for Rory. She promised not to tell Rory that she told me because Rory would have to tell me on her own. I agreed, thinking it was fair and logical. But when she came over today and acted just as if everything were just the same as before, I couldn't stand it. I had to ask her why she had to lie to me. Why did she have to lie? If she loves me as much as she says she does, then why does she have the tendancy to keep things from me? The fact that she can hide something from me for so long until she's confronted with it makes me question if she really does love me. 

What am I thinking? I know she loves me. She's not the type of person who would say something she doesn't mean. 

I stare over at my cell phone on the passenger seat. Now I know more than an hour has passed. 

  
  
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A/N: Why are all of my Dean POV's longer than the Rory's? I hope I don't have a male-mind. Maybe it's because I love Dean and I know what he's thinking. Maybe? Possible? Tell me what you think. (: 

  
  



	3. Applause of Thunder

Author's Note: No POV in this part. Just a ordinary narrative. 

**Applause of Thunder**

Rory's eyelids slowly pealed up, opening her eyes to the darkness in her room. She instantly was reminded of the happenings from so many hours ago. Glancing at the clock: 9:02pm. Getting out of bed, Rory slowly slummed herself into the kitchen and stood there for a moment, deciding what to do. There was a note taped cockeyed on the phone. She ripped it off and opened her eyes a little wider to read it. 

'I knew the first place you'd land is the phone to try and call him. I'm out at Sookie's. Her and Jackson had a little dispute, and it may take a while. There's loads of ice cream in the freezer and I already got out a wallow-worthy-movie. Have a blast.   
PS: The lock on the door has been acting suspiciously funny so i'll knock as loud as I can so you can let me in.' 

Rory wondered to herself how her mother could sound so positive even in a letter. Maybe it was the tons of stick figures and smiley faces she also drew on the note that made it look like the person who wrote it was on lithium. The complete opposite of what she was feeling. She felt completely weak. Her arms fell to her sides limply as she sat down at the kitchen table. 

She stared at the phone on the table praying for it to ring. After moments of pondering, she picked it up and dialed. She cleared her throat before the other line picked up. His sister answered. 

"Hi, is Dean home? This is Rory." 

"No, he isn't home yet, Rory." 

She sounded very irritated for an eight year old, so Rory decided not to ask her 20 questions of when he'll be back or when's the last time she saw him. 

"Okay, thanks. Bye." 

She hung up the phone and plopped it onto the table carelessly, throwing her head into her hands. 

She picked it up again contemplating whether to call Lane or not. Lane wasn't permitted on the phone this late but they had formed a code that Rory hoped Lane remembered. Sometimes Mrs. Kim was asleep and doesn't wake up very suddenly, so Rory would call and let it ring two and a half times. Then, Lane, knowing it was Rory, would call back. 

She let it ring two and a half times and hung up, hoping she would call back so she could talk to someone close to her. She surprisingly jumped the slightest when the phone rang. It was louder than she remembered it to be. Smiling when she knew the code must have worked, she answered the phone. 

"Hello?" 

"Hey." 

"Dean?" Rory asked in shock and overreacted happiness. Her voice was calm as she spoke but in her head, everything was going haywire trying to think of what to say and how to act. 

"How was your night?" 

A little nervous at where this conversation was coming from, she was honest. 

"Not good." 

"Yeah, mine isn't going too well either." 

Rory weakly smiled at the phone, thinking he could see her. Thunder clapped outside and she glanced out the window to see rain starting to pour down in large drops. She wanted to cry out everything she'd been feeling as the sky kept allowing the rain to fall. 

"I miss you," she said softly into the mouthpiece, and added as an afterthought, "Where have you been?" 

"Just..around. Driving." 

"Driving where?" 

There was a knock at the door. She cursed her mother for the worst timing and stood up. 

"It doesn't really matter, I--" 

"Dean, i'm really sorry, but could you hold on for just a second? I have to let my mom in the house." 

"Oh...sure." 

Clutching the phone to her chest, Rory walked around the corner and to the door. After much fumbling with the lock, she swung it open and her breath caught in her throat as she let out a loud breath, seeing Dean standing soaked from the rain. 

"Hi," was his only response to Rory's reaction. 

Without a word, Rory dropped the phone to the floor, took a step outside onto the porch and swung her arms around his neck, hugging him as tightly as she could think possible. Dean returned the gesture and put his arms around her. Rory spoke into his ear. 

"I can't do this...Dean, I can't take a break from you." 

"I know. I know, me too--I'm so sorry...I just needed time to--" 

"I know! Completely justified for what I did. I don't want to be apart from you." 

Dean tightened his grip on her as she did the same. Dean was about to let her down but she pulled in again. 

"Not yet." 

"Okay." 

They stood under the porch, the rain falling behind them, and after a minute Rory finally released from Dean. 

"Do you want to come in?" 

"Yeah." 

Neither of them spoke as they entered into the warmth of the house. The environment had changed. Rory could still hear the noise of the rain and thunder outside, but inside it was calm and soothing. Rory leaded into the living room. Neither of them sat down, for fear of getting too comfortable, then have something irrelevant ruin it again. 

"So what now?" Dean asked seriously, now looking at her harder than when she saw him at the door. 

Rory shifted from leaning on her left leg, to leaning on her right leg, to standing straight up, and bit her lip. She looked up at him casually. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean where are we?" 

Rory was about to make a sarcastic remark to the obvious of where they were, but decided that now was not the time. 

"I don't want to start over." 

"I don't want to start over either." 

"Because usually when people start over, they get confused and things get screwed up and it ends in complete and utter chaos!" 

Dean smiled at her quick ramble and Rory continued. 

"I don't want chaos." 

"What _do_ you want?" he asked, trying to keep the atmosphere light. 

"You," she replied with a slight grin on her face. 

"Come here," he said smoothly. 

They moved forward toward each other and Dean took hold of her hands gently and guided her to sit down next to him on the couch. They simply stared into each others eyes for a few moments not even noticing, then Rory spoke. 

"I _truly_ am sorry." 

"I know." 

"You had all the right to be mad." 

"I know. But I also know that you love me. If you didn't love me, you wouldn't have even tried to stay with me. But you did. It took me over 4 hours to figure it out and debate over it in my head, but I did and that's what I concluded." 

"I do love you." 

"I know." 

"And...you love me too?" she asked hopefully. 

"And I love you too," he said with a smile. 

"You don't think you caught a cold outside or anything, do you?" 

Shaking his head slightly, "No." 

Rory put on a fake pout and her eyes softened, "Then why havn't you kissed me yet?" 

"Because I was waiting for _you_ to kiss _me_," he answered simply. 

Rory rolled her eyes and scoffed as she shook her finger at him. 

"But, you see, that's not how it works." 

Dean put her finger down and slowly moved forward and placed his lips to hers, taking in the moment. Not knowing where to put her hands, Rory placed them on his chest and gripped at his jacket. As Dean pulled back, he saw the widest smile surfacing on Rory's face. 

"What?" he asked, wanting to know what was so fascinating. 

"I sure as hell didn't feel _that_ with Jess." 

"Good." 

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A/N: Sorry I couldn't think of a good ending, but that's the end. complete. finito. dead. Hey, kinda like Rory & Dean's relationship on the show! 

  
  



End file.
